11 February 2025
“Where there is love there is life.” – Mahatma Gandhi
When we love someone, whether it’s a friend or family, it’s natural to want to support them. We want to be there for them, sometimes at the cost of our own well-being. We might believe love means fixing their problems or always being the one to “rescue” them.
But is that really love, or are we losing ourselves in the process?
When we fall into this pattern, we forget our own needs and boundaries, ultimately losing a sense of identity. We think that by giving everything, we’re being loving, but often it turns into feeling sacrificing. Over time, we feel drained and overwhelmed. Is that sustainable? No. Yet many of us fall into this trap without realizing it.
We get stuck in the "Rescuer" role, feeling responsible for someone else's happiness or problems. Real love means supporting each other while maintaining our own individuality. It’s about growing together, not carrying someone else’s burdens alone.
Let me share a story with you, with my client’s consent and let’s call her Sarah.
Sarah came to see me for two reasons: she felt overwhelmed and exhausted, and she was deeply worried about why her teenage son was so shy. She believed that she was showing him love by stepping in and fixing every problem, whether it was schoolwork, friendships or personal issues. She did everything for him, thinking that was what he needed.
During our sessions, Sarah shared how, as a child, she had an estranged relationship with her own parents. Love and affection were never constants in her life, leaving her with a deep and unfulfilled longing. She realized that, as an adult, she had been overcompensating to fill that void, striving to be the perfect mother and create the loving environment she had always wished for. In her mind, she could finally do right by solving her son's problems. Through our work together, Sarah also recognized that by constantly protecting him from every struggle, she was actually preventing him from growing. The very challenges she wanted to shield him from were the ones that could help him build resilience and confidence.
As she learned to set healthier boundaries, not just for her own well-being but for her son’s development, Sarah came to understand that true love wasn’t about solving his problems for him. It was about guiding, encouraging and giving him space to face his own challenges. By stepping back, she allowed him to learn and grow on his own, which turned out to be the greatest gift she could give him.
Loving someone doesn’t mean being their hero. When we focus on mutual respect and growth, relationships become healthier and more fulfilling for everyone.
If you find yourself caught in patterns of overcompensating or losing your identity in relationships, know that it’s possible to break free. Hypnotherapy can help you set healthier boundaries and rediscover your sense of self, creating more balanced and loving connections. If this resonates with you and you’re curious to explore more, feel free to reach out!
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